


everything is embarrassing

by killu0tine



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Gay Rights, M/M, Pining, Short
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-19
Updated: 2020-03-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:33:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22315624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/killu0tine/pseuds/killu0tine
Summary: killua sits alone in nature with nothing but his thoughts
Relationships: Gon Freecs & Killua Zoldyck, Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck
Comments: 3
Kudos: 39





	1. Chapter 1

One morning, it was cool and partly cloudy. The air was misty, a result of last night's rainstorm. And that one morning, Killua sat at a river bank, dipping his toes in every now and then. 

Water glittered and swirled into impossible colours, manipulating itself to reflect his face. This particular river reminded him of the sea surrounding Whale Island, where Gon was from. He visited it frequently; it was a lovely place just outside of the city, and a twenty minutes' walk from the house he rented out with Alluka.

He thought about Gon a lot. Was he home? Or was he on yet another adventure? Considering his near-death experience, it was likely wisest that he rested for a little while. 

Still, Killua couldn't help but feel worried sick about him. Tears started falling from his face as he silently recounted everything that had almost happened to Gon. 

_I miss you so much._ he thought.

_You're my best friend in the entire world and I really, really hope you still want me around. You changed my life forever, please never let me leave your side.  
I... love you. _

He had stopped crying by then, but he remained shocked by his own words. Even if he was just thinking about it, wording it so directly was startling to him. 

And yet he knew deep inside it was true. He cared about Gon more than anyone in the world, and if there ever was a god he thanked them for the two of them crossing paths. 

Killua walked to around the outskirts of Swardani City, where Alluka waited. He took her out to lunch, and asked her if she was interested in a vacation to Whale Island.


	2. thoughts

2 weeks later

Mito looked through the mail after her weekly trip to the post office. After sifting through bills she couldn't pay off yet and useless flyers, she took a letter addressed to "mito and gon freecss, whale island", looking over it.

_Is this mito_

_I'm coming to visit Gon cause it's been forever and... I need to tell him something. It's really important. i don't wanna sound soft but it kinda hurts and it's been messing with my head.  
also, I'm bringing my sister with me. I don't think you've seen her yet. _

_from, killua._

It was difficult to believe this kid had grown up with assassins whose blood seemed to run cold. And he was the talented one who they counted on to carry their torch!

Mito ran her hands through her hair, thinking about what exactly he needed to tell Gon. The Zoldycks all got got by a vengeful politician? He's in an arranged marriage?

No, no– that's ridiculous. But what could be so serious as to warrant him coming all the way here, in person?

Later at dinner, she gave Gon the letter. His mouth fell open the way it always does when he's shocked or excited, and Mito smiles.

"I was just gonna ask him what he was up to! Been a while since I heard from him, he must've moved somewhere or got a new phone. I hope it's nothing bad."

Gon thought to himself,  
_is it the chimera ant thing? he did tell me I hurt him when I had lost all capability of rational thought."_

He remembered that event and a pang hit his chest, the kind that struck when something really hurts. It had been almost a year but the pain came back to him like the wound was fresh.

Gon made a choked noise on his food, and Mito asked, "Is everything alright?".

"Yeah" Gon answered, "some rice just went down the wrong way, that's all."

He had never told Mito the details of what had gone down with the ants, and he wasn't sure if he ever really wanted to. The hunters involved really should've told her.

She was holding on to her perception of him as a wide-eyed, adventurous boy with his head in the clouds, and while she knew he was growing up, she didn't know all the details of the crisis and just how far from innocent Gon was that day.

After dinner, Gon resumed his thoughts in his bed. He stared up at the ceiling, still thinking what the hell Killua needed to tell him. He couldn't have been more happy to see his best friend, but what was weighing on his soul so much? Sleep overtook him earlier than usual, at 8:34 p.m.


	3. reunited

5 days later

Killua and Alluka got off the boat and were standing on the pier.  
"I'm hungry!" Alluka pouted. "Where can we get something to eat?"  
Killua put his hand on her shoulder.  
"Gon's mom will fix us up something good for us. Be patient."  
Alluka nodded and followed her brother to the house.

Mito opened the door, smiling bright like the sun at noon.  
"Hello!" She turned her head. "Gon, get your ass down here!"  
Gon shot down the stairs and jumped up when he saw who it was.  
"Killua!" He said in the sweet voice he had always known.  
"Gon!" Killua said back.  
They went into Gon's room near immediately, probably so they could play video games or something like that. Mito rolled her eyes, but not out of any real spite or frustration.

"And you must be Alluka? Come on in, honey, let's get you some lunch." said Mito.  
Alluka, polite and quiet as always, agreed and took a seat at the table. She noticed a candle and a picture of an old woman atop the pantry.

"Ma'am? Who's that?" Alluka gestured to the picture.

"Oh, that's my grandmother, Abe. She passed a year and a half ago." Mito said.

"I'm sorry about that... I shouldn't have asked. Also, what's your name?"

"It's fine! Don't worry, Alluka. My name is Mito."

Mito set down a plate of waffles for her, with butter, syrup, and strawberries surrounding them on the plate. She wasn't an especially traditional person and so Alluka eating first and by herself was of no disrespect to her. Besides, this kid had just gotten off a boat! Chances are, she was starving and hadn't had real food in a week.

Mito sat down and talked to Alluka, asking her about her interests (bad horror movies, geology, and world geography. She was a walking encyclopedia on information about the Dark Continent and was following the expedition closely) and school (she barely showed up). 

Mito was impressed by how empathetic and intelligent Alluka was. She was what? Fourteen? And she already seemed like she had her feet firmly planted in the ground.

"Alluka, you're fascinating. You seem so confident for someone your age."

Alluka couldn't hold back a smile. Did she really come off that way? It was reassuring to see a woman who clearly had her shit together say something like that about her.

"Gon! Killua! Lunch is ready!" Mito called out from below the stairs. They came running down to the table and both of them, especially Killua, stuffed their faces.

The day went by quickly, with Mito taking Alluka shopping and Gon and Killua left to their own devices. 

Like when they were 12, Gon showed him his home, every tree he had climbed, all the nooks his feet had beaten into them, and the little streams his mind created imaginary bridges across.


	4. closure

Before long, it was evening. After dinner Mito had bought from outside when she was with Alluka, Killua went upstairs with Gon again, to his room.

"I'm tired." Killua said nonchalantly. He flopped down onto the bed and he followed.

After a few minutes of comfortable silence, Killua finally felt the words he always needed to tell Gon about to spill out.

"Gon," he said, "you know how I was gonna tell you something?"

"Yeah!" said Gon.

"Well... might've been obvious before, I don't know, but, I... like you. In _that_ way. You know how I said I never wanted to leave your side? I really meant it." Killua spoke through insecure words and tears formed in his eyes. 

Gon brushed them away with a couple fingers and pulled him close.

"You're very special to me, Killua. You're always in my heart, and we will always be together."

"Shit, I thought you'd look at me funny and-"

Gon cut him off with a kiss on the lips. Light and sweet, and yet for Killua he might as well have been swept off his feet passionately.

Instinctively, he pulled Gon closer, returning the kiss. He was crying by now, his wishes fully realised. Gon took an arm out of Killua's embrace to run a hand through his hair, and to keep him as near as he could.

Killua's eyes fluttered shut as he stopped crying and calmed down, both feeling secure in each others' arms. 

The storm inside him that had been raging for the past three years had finally come to an end, with both him and Gon's feelings knowingly reciprocated.

Everything could wait for now. Explaining it all to Mito, what the exact status of their relationship was, and what would follow from here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is probably the end of the fic! i hope you all liked it and that i didn't fuck anything up... i was really worried about that... which is why i took a while getting the last part out. i'm sorry.

**Author's Note:**

> hey!! i wrote this at 3am so if it's rambly at any points, i apologise. i just love killua and writing about him. i was listening to "everything is embarrassing" by sky ferreira while writing this hence the title


End file.
